I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
