my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
