Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
