I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize