So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But theres a keg here and me gusta
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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