you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
