dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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