Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
3 2 1 whiskey
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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