May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
