I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
