my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
