So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
