It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
