I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
