Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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