he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
