I'm gonna have a badass scar
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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