I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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