we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
