Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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