and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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