My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
