I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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