he shaved USA in his pubs
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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