It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
