you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
