were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just found a bag of teeth...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
