1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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