it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
