the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
