she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
