U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
