oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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