if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
