walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
