So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
