Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
