Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
