we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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