Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
