Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
