i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize