Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
