Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize