Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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