no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
