Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
