I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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