i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
