someone get that fucking seahorse.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
