So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
