Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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