i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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