So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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