phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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