She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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