He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I believe in your delicious
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