we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
