Your tits are I can't wait for
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
