well you can't waste a boner
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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