at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
