i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
