If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
