i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
