we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
