I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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