In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
