Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize