dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
