I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
