I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
