"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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