my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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