if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
