I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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