He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
