So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
