Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
