u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
