she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
