Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i may or may not be watching the land before time
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
