did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
