Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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