dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
