I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize