oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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