...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
