Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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