eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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