I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
