Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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