I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
