hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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