I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
