1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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