hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't make out with my wife yet
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
