Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
