the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
