last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
